Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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