I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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