; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
