No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
