Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
