Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
