I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
