I showed him my bush... on skype.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
