I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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