Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
