I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
