people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And then the night went full on bisexual.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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