There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
