Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
