So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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