Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
