I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
