Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize