I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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