It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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