she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
