i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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