I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
