I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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