Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
