when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
