well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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