i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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