um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
