Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
