i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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