Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
