If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize