Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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