Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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