I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
