He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
