Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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