If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
