what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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