i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
