margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
