My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think your dad took our porno
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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