you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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