My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
