So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
