I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
