um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
