Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.