i permit you to call me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?