So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
