I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.