actually, I'm a sock model
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
