My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
