As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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