I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
