Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
