I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
