god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
id be glad to
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
