I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
