It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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