so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
