You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
