Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
