Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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