i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
