I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
